When Leaders Stop Trusting Themselves

One sentence can stall a career for years, not because it’s true, but because of what we decide it means. We talk through the deceptively supportive line “you’re good where you’re at” and how leaders can internalise it as “you don’t have what it takes,” then start treating someone else’s opinion as louder than their own lived experience. If you’ve been overthinking, hesitating, or waiting for the perfect moment to make a move, this conversation is for you. 

We dig into what it really looks like when leaders stop trusting themselves: gathering “just a little more” information, asking one more person, delaying hard conversations, and calling it responsibility. We name it clearly as hesitation dressed up as preparation and we connect it to leadership decision-making, clarity, and the ability to act with limited information. The goal isn’t reckless action; it’s grounded movement guided by your judgment, your values, and your next clear move. 

We also challenge the confidence myth head-on. Confidence doesn’t arrive first and then grant permission to act; confidence comes after action. It grows through reps, learning, and recovery and it’s contextual, which means you can borrow confidence from areas where you already perform well and apply it to the next leadership stretch. 

Finally, we zoom out to the ripple effect: self-doubt isn’t just personal, it impacts teams. When leaders wait for certainty, decisions slow down, communication gets murky, and high-potential people stop getting stretched. If you want to strengthen self-trust, leadership confidence, and readiness, press play, then subscribe, share this with a leader who’s hesitating, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway.

Transcript

Welcome And The Next Clear Move

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Welcome to the Getting to Clarity Podcast. The place where busy leaders discover how to create more success in their leadership journey with less sacrifice in their life.

SPEAKER_02 0:14

Here's your host, Debbie Peterson of Getting to Clarity.

Debbie Peterson 0:21

Hey, hello, and welcome back. I am Debbie Peterson, and this is another episode of the Getting to Clarity Podcast, your next clear move. Because you don't have to have it all figured out. All you need to understand is your next clear move to take action. And so today we are diving into a topic that was especially relevant for me. So here's the sentence you're good where you're at. You know, I heard that back in corporate, and at the time it sounded encouraging, maybe even supportive, but somewhere along the way, I translated those words into something very different. And that was, you don't have what it takes. And what's interesting is that many leaders can do the same thing. They take a comment, a piece of feedback, an opinion, or even a well-intentioned suggestion, and they allow it to become louder than their own experience, judgment, and even their own voice. Over time, they stop trusting themselves, not dramatically, not all at once, but maybe it shows up like this a little bit of hesitation. How about some overthinking? Maybe waiting until there's more certainty. Looking for one more piece of information before making a decision. Well, in today's episode, we're exploring what happens when leaders stop trusting themselves and why confidence isn't the starting point that most people think it is. You know, your self-trust affects not only you as a leader, but it affects your team as well. And it even has a ripple effect to the organization because readiness isn't about having all the answers. You only need your next clear move. So let's talk about trusting yourself enough to be able to do that. Let's dive in.

The Costly Meaning Behind One Sentence

Debbie Peterson 2:19

You're good where you're at. Looking back, that may have been one of the most expensive sentences I ever believed. Not because it was true, but because of what I allowed it to mean. So early in my corporate career, I knew I was ready for more. I was producing results, I was taking on additional responsibility, and I was looking very intentionally for opportunities to grow. And when I expressed an interest to my boss about moving forward, I was told, you're good where you're at. And there was nothing particularly harsh about it. In fact, it sounded supportive the way that he said it, but somewhere along the way, it sat in the back of my mind. And I just marinated on it. And where you're you're good where you're at became you don't have what it takes. And those, my friend, are two very different messages. But as human beings, that's what we can do sometimes. Someone offers feedback, advice, maybe an opinion. And before we know it, we've assigned a meaning to it. Sometimes that meaning serves us, sometimes it doesn't. And in my case, I carried around a story that wasn't true for ages.

When Someone Else’s Voice Wins

Debbie Peterson 3:35

Here's the ironic part. My boss at the time was later convicted, along with at least one other person, uh, because they overstated overstated earnings by um over $100 million. Yeah. And it was a publicly traded company. So even though, you know, you can sense that tension, I kind of knew that something was going on. I had no idea what it was, but even with that quiet instinct, I still let his words carry more weight than my own. And in all reality, I'll never know what he actually meant. Maybe he believed it. Maybe uh he actually thought I'm good where I'm at. You know, maybe he was protecting himself, something he didn't want anybody looking at too closely. Maybe in his own way, he was even trying to protect me. But what I do know is this the point is I handed my authority over to someone else. I allowed them to dictate my potential and I gave it to someone who had no business holding it. Not because I was naive, but because when we trust someone, or we think we do, that is what we do. And if you've been leading for any length of time, there's a good chance that something similar has happened to you, some version of the same thing. Maybe it was a mentor, uh, maybe it was a colleague or a friend or someone whose opinion you trusted. And at some point their voice became louder than your own.

Hesitation Disguised As Responsible Leadership

Debbie Peterson 5:00

So hesitation dressed up as preparation. When leaders stop trusting themselves, it doesn't happen in a dramatic fashion. Um, from the outside, it looks like it's responsible. Okay. Uh, you gather more information before deciding. You ask just another person for input. You wait a little bit till you feel a little more confident about the whole idea. Maybe you do a little more research. And sometimes those things are a good thing to do, but sometimes they are simply hesitation dressed up as preparation. You're getting ready to get ready. You are ready. When I started my business, there were directions that I wanted to pursue, there were opportunities that I felt were aligned with who I was and the impact that I wanted to make. But then came opinions of coaches that I had engaged with and uh other people that I trusted that were in the industry. And most of them were very well-intentioned. You know, people sharing concerns didn't want me getting uh, you know, off in another direction. They wanted me to be clear. And that's kind of ironic in itself, considering clarity as my superpower. But reasons why something might not work. And I bought into their reasons, therefore I forfeited my results, at least for a while. So before long, I'm giving their opinions more weight than my own experience, you know, even my own instincts. And it wasn't um better decisions that came as a result, it it was delay. I ended up doing it, but I did it much later than I could have. So this leads to a discussion on confidence, you know. Confidence

Confidence Comes After Action

Debbie Peterson 6:43

comes after action. And one of the biggest myths that we tell ourselves is that confidence comes first. You have to be confident before you act. It doesn't. Confidence comes after action. You know, we tend to think that confident people act because they're confident. More often than not, they're confident because they've acted. When you act, you learn something, and confidence comes from those learnings and from putting in the reps. So think about anything that you're good at today. Uh, it could be you're a good listener. It could be that um, you know, leading meetings at one point felt uncomfortable, but now you're very comfortable. You know, you've got a system or something. Difficult conversations felt intimidating, but now they're kind of your superpower. Maybe making decisions with limited information felt like it was just overwhelming, but you learned by doing. You know, maybe it's you're excellent at throwing something together that, you know, whatever's in the fridge, okay, we're gonna we're gonna do something with it tonight. Whatever it is that you are confident in, you know confidence. So you already know how to be confident. You just have to apply it in a different area. And con and confidence is very, it's contextual. Confidence is contextual. You became confident because you were willing to move before you felt completely ready. So here's what I know to be true. You already have what you need to figure it out. Not every answer, none of us have all of the answers, but enough to take the next step. You can learn, you can ask questions, you can find the right people, you can adapt, you can recover from mistakes. Mistakes are merely decisions that didn't serve you well. And with new information that you get from making a mistake, you can make a different decision. You can move forward. But first, you have to trust yourself enough to take the step.

How Self-Doubt Spreads To Teams

Debbie Peterson 8:32

Now, it costs not just you, but the people around you. So self-doubt sounds like a personal issue. Well, it isn't. When leaders stop trusting themselves, their teams can feel it. They may not be able to put their finger on it, but they can sense it. Decisions slow down, communication gets a little wonky, maybe murky. Conversations that really need to happen get postponed. People start waiting. High potential employees, they don't get stretched. Emerging leaders, they don't get opportunities. Capable people stay hidden because the leaders responsible for developing them are still waiting for certainty themselves. Leadership pipelines don't grow when everyone is waiting to feel ready. They grow when leaders trust themselves enough to move forward and create space for others to do the same.

Redefining Readiness And Closing

Debbie Peterson 9:24

So readiness isn't what you think it is. The leaders I work with are often waiting to feel ready. That's why I work with them. Ready to apply for that position, ready to speak up in a meeting, ready to make a move. What I've learned both personally and professionally is that they're usually more ready than they think. Readiness isn't having all the answers. It isn't eliminating uncertainty or waiting for confidence to appear on its own. Readiness is trusting yourself enough to move forward, even when the path isn't completely clear. So the question isn't whether you're ready. You are. The question is whether you're willing to trust yourself enough to move with that. So until the next time, here is wishing you all the clarity and readiness that you deserve. Take care, be good to yourself, and bye-bye for now.

SPEAKER_02 10:20

Thank you for listening to this episode of the Getting to Clarity Podcast with Debbie Peterson.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

If you enjoyed this show, please rate and recommend it on iTunes or wherever you enjoy your podcast.

SPEAKER_02 10:31

To learn more about how you can bring Debbie and her transformational clarity leadership strategies to your organization, visit Debbie PetersonSpeaks.com.